Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Celebration Of Life

Saturday May 13, we went to Birmingham to the Celebration Of Life. The ART program of Alabama held their 20th anniversary. This was a special time for Courtney. We have had much attention on Brooke, that I think this was great for Courtney.
I owe much thanks to the ART program. A special thanks to Dr. Cecil Long, who was my Doctor.
Being at the celebration brought many memories back to me.
Memories from many years ago. After Kevin and I had married we planned on having a house full of children. We married in 1992. Kevin had two years left of collage. I worked those two years. We wanted to have our first child soon after Kevin was through with collage. When the time came we fixed up a nursery. I remember how excited we was when we bought our white Jenny Lin bed for our baby. I fixed the nursery up in Teddy bears so that it could be for a boy or a girl. The first month came and went. I was not pregnant. The second month came and went. I did not think much about it, because I knew sometimes it took time. After about the 6th month I knew something was not right. I felt it in my heart. I went to my Dr. and she wanted me to start clomid. (fertility drug) I did. After several months of no success we did further testing. I will never forget the worst day of my life. In October 1995 Kevin and I was sitting in my Drs office and she came in and told us the worst news I could possible hear. She said that we would not be able to have children. I lost it right there in the Dr's office. I cried and cried. Nothing would bring me comfort. Kevin held me, but I was so numb. My Dr was very concerned. She said " Don't cry, there is things we can do to help you maybe have a child" She told me about the ART program. I felt sick. I felt like I just wanted to die. Everything I ever dreamed of was gone. I was so confused. I was suppose to be able to have children. Is that not what God put us here for? To bring another soul into the world to know about God?
Many people would be bitter toward God. God was my strength. I held on to God with everything I had. Many days I felt like letting go, but my desire to make it to heaven more than anything kept me holding on.
You can grieve for what might have been or you can make your dreams come true. After much prayer and seeking God, we decided to go speak with the Doctor in Birmingham. From that moment on we started seeking fertility treatment. I remember all those shots I had to have. I remember this one particular shot. I had to have this shot timed just perfect. This was a shot I had to have 24 hours before my Dr. did a egg retrieval on me. Kevin was working and I had to go to the hospital for him to give me this shot. Of all nights he was busy. He was able to get somebody else to do his work and he came and gave me the shot. I have always been the type to pass out with needles. I got used to needles pretty fast as we went through this. I remember going to Birmingham to have the procedure done. I had to go back several days later for the final procedure. The next 10 days was the longest days of my life. I wanted to know if I was pregnant. I longed for a child. I knew that the Dr. had done his part, but the rest was in Gods hand. It the embryos did not attatch then I would not be pregnant. I laid in the bed for days. I only would get up if I had to. About the 10th day I went to have blood drawn to see if I was pregnant. I had to wait all day for the nurse to call me with the results. When the phone finally rang she said" Are you sitting down?" I knew I had a baby on the way. Kevin brought me roses that night. We was so happy. I had to go for weeks of ultasounds to make sure everything was going good. When I was about 6 weeks pregnant things started looking bad. I went in and the nurse showed us where the baby was. She then showed us the sac that was carrying the baby. There was a problem. The baby was growing, but the sac was not. It looked like the baby was going to burst through. The nurse told me I would loose my baby. "No" I cried out to God. I could not bare this. This was more than I could bare. I felt like I had been through so much already. I cried all the way home. News travels and the saints of God was calling. Prayer and fasting was going forth. My Dr called and told me he had seen the results and that I would loose the baby. I refused to believe it. I put my trust in God, and believed. I had such a peace on me. I did not cry. I knew that God was in control and that maybe God allowed this to let others know He was in control. I went back the next Monday and God had moved and he allowed me to keep my little girl. I have tried to find the ultrasound pictures so you could see what God did, but I can't find them. Kevin had prayed that we would not only see a change but that we would see our baby move. We did see her move. Courtney kicked her leg out on the ultrasound. I knew everything was going to be O.K.
I was very thankful to be apart of the celebration of life. Miss America 2005 was there. Courtney got her picture taking with her. Deidre Downs gave all the little girls a tier.
Jay Barker a Alabama Football player was also there. He gave the boys a football. Jay had to use the ART program help him and his wife to have a child. He spoke about that to us and it was good. As I looked around at all the people and all the babies I was amazed. Sometimes you feel like you are alone on not being able to conceive. I realize there are many people who have went through this. Dr. Long gave a speech that was great. He also has a Daughter through IVF.
Why do people want children? I have thought about that before. Why is the longing I have for children so great? It is only normal. Most people want at least one. Children are a great blessing. They bring us joy, and happiness. Yes, there is sometimes that they bring us sadness and bring us tears. I have to say the happiness is far greater than the sadness.
Courtney had a great time at the Celebration of Life. Courtney had to tell all her friends that she got her picture with Miss America. When people ask her why, her reply was "to Celebrate me."
I thought that was really cute. She does not really understand why the celebration took place. She knows it has to do with her being born, but she don't understand ALL the details.
We had a great time. Mothers Day was special this year. I had two wonderful girls to celebrate with. Kevin wrote me a sweet note and he put on it "that is was nice to see our family complete"
I am very thankful for my family. If God allows us to have more children that will be just fine. For now, I am happy with my two wonderful girls and my wonderful husband.


Anonymous said...

Great post. I love you now and forever.

Kelly said...

Ok, do you know how much I hate crying? This one kept choking me up. I was only hoping I wouldn't loose it with my kids around to see their Mom a blubbering mess!

Thanks for the great post. I wish we had known you then, to celebrate that miracle with you....

Anonymous said...

one of the best I have ever read..I love you so much the whole time that I was reading I was crying..I know kevin and you went through so much that we really dont know.I am so thankful that you married Kevin and that you have a great husband and two wonderful daughters...I love you all ....love Mother