Rough Day

Today has been very hard in many ways. My mom called at 8:00 and said that my grandmother had took a turn for the worse and that the family was being called in. We quickly went to my grandmother. It was a very emotional and sad time for us. My grandmother looked so bad. She was sleeping most of the time. She did perk up a little when we spoke to her. She told me she loved me. The girls kissed her and told her they loved her. There was so many of our family coming in. I had to leave and go for my MRI. That was terrible.
When I first got there to register, they start asking me crazy questions. "Do I have a living will" "Am I a organ donor?" I was so nervous. I was thinking why are they asking me all this for a simple test. They then put a arm band on me. I was thinking all kinds of things. Here I was by myself at the Imaging Center and all this just happened. I was only coming in for a simple MRI. Right???? Did they think it was going to kill me or something? Once I was back for the MRI I really started to hyperventilate. The lady told me to get on the table. I am looking at this huge machine thinking "no way can I do this" My back is screaming " OH YES YOU CAN"
This was suppose to be a open MRI. Well I might as well done a closed one. The lady got me all comfortable and then she puts a towel over my eyes. She said that would help me. (CRAZY.) Everything was dark. I felt like my chest was caving in on me. I grabbed the lady's arm and said "I am really nervous, can I pull this thing off if I need to" The lady says " No don't move. Tell me and I will pull it off" I feel my heart beat strong and my breathing feels like it is about to stop. I then ask the lady " If something happens can I get your attention so you can get me out of here" The lady says " yes, just speak and I will be here" I try to relax, but I feel like I am going to faint. My hands are shaking so bad. I am praying for God to help me.
Music....... I start to hear music.....Gospel music. Thank the Lord. I keep trying to relax. The lady is speaking to me through a microphone. I had no idea where she was because I could not see. She says this first part will take about 5 minutes. I feel the table start to move. I think I am going to throw up. I also knew I had to get a grip on this. If only I could see. The thought came to me that I should just try to sleep. I tried to sleep and think about good things. I was able to relax and make it through the MRI. I don't want to ever have another. When I got off the table my back felt like it was locking up on me. That is what happens at night when I can't sleep. The pain gets so bad that my back feels like it is locking and I can't move.
I left the hospital and picked my sister up. We went back to visit with my grandmother. Brooke was a pill. She would not let anybody hold her. She wanted only me. She also was being a terrible two. I was so tired when we left. I know my back will suffer tonight.
My grandmother was doing so much better. She knew us and talked a little to us. The nurse said my grandmother only had 3 to 4 days to live. It makes me sad. I love my grandmother. It is really hard to think about death. My mom is taking it very hard. Please pray for all of us as we are going through this. It has been a very rough day for all of us. My grandmother ask my sister where her children was. My sister had to leave the room. Wesley and Liz was on their way to see my grandmother, but little Austin is still not with us. My sister tried to call Austin's dad but he will not answer any of her calls. This is a really nasty situation that I can't talk about on my blog.
Right now we have a lot of sadness in our family. God is my strength and He helps me through these hard times. The past 4 weeks have been like a death to my sister. Not seeing her son and not being able to talk with him has really been like a death. Our family is grieving in so many ways. Please pray for us the rest of the week.